Authenticity Is Rough. Where To Start?
It's not a single-day trip but it's worth the road. Here are 4 things to try to become more authentic
I was having a conversation with a friend I hadn’t met for a while. We caught up and talked about what had happened during the past months. She was telling me about her kids, vacations, and events she had visited, and then when all the ordinary things seemed to be discussed, she went quieter. Even shy, I would say. And I felt there was something more, something important she wanted to share.
“Well, I am starting a business,” I could barely hear her saying.
“It is nothing big, I am just trying it out and fooling around,” she started diminishing it.
That is when I knew- this is big! I had never heard her speaking about any job or new project in such a vulnerable way.
I got really excited and happy for her. I congratulated her, told her how massive it was and I was certain she would succeed.
I scared my poor friend to death.
All the feels
My friend was starting the thing she had wanted for a very long time. It was something she had always admired but she didn't think she had what it takes. It was clear she was finally following her calling, the longing of her soul.
And she was terrified.
It is both brave and scary to follow the path that has the biggest potential to make you happy. Because what if it doesn't? What if you fail miserably being the most vulnerable you have ever been?
It is easy to do something you are not so passionate about and could change in the blink of an eye. But when it is something you feel is an honest part of yourself, it is personal. It would hurt so much if someone ridiculed it, wouldn't like or, God forbid, would hate it.
Don't push it
That is when I realized that we can't glorify authenticity and make following one's calling a trend.
There has been a lot of talk lately about the importance of being authentic. Including myself. I have told my clients, friends, and, honestly, anyone who would listen how crucial it is to follow your guts, strip down naked and show your true colors.
Only now have I realized how insensitive it has been. How violent it is to push someone to be authentic if they are not ready. How devastating it can turn out to be if it's done before its time.
Baby steps
Authenticity is when you act according to your true nature, spirit, and values. It requires taking a lot of responsibility for your actions, decisions, and ways of doing. You need to own your truth, your gut feeling, your sense of things.
But to do all that, you need to know yourself first.
At one point authenticity becomes the easiest thing on earth. It is an absolute surrender and lack of pretending. It comes so naturally that it is the first time in your life when you don't even think about what and how to be.
But before that, it can be rough.
Where to start:
- Don't take yourself too seriously
Yes, authenticity is personal and vulnerable. At first, it can hurt a lot. But being all aware of that, we need to switch our focus. It helps to take it as lightly as possible. Take it as a game. Allow yourself to play. Joy and playfulness are a big part of finding your authentic self. Do not be afraid to make mistakes. In fact, try to make as many mistakes as possible. Spoiler alert, it is not so easy to do.
2. Try alter-ego
My favorite branding consultant on earth Diana Nikitina has this groundbreaking approach I love. She says- make your brand, rip it down, and remake it as you wanted in the first place. She permits us to go all in, to do the most extravagant, loud, and brave brand we could imagine.
Follow your alter-ego if you must. It will feel that you are acting like someone else, it will feel playful, fun, and somewhat safer. Even though it's really been you all along.
3. Do not look around
Forbid yourself for some time to look at how others are doing what you are trying to do. Try to ignore other influences completely. Do it for a week. For a month if you are strong enough.
Ask yourself- if I would have never seen anyone doing this before, how would I do it?
Authenticity is what wants to come out of you. What is your approach, your idea, your rhythm of how you do things?
4. Affirmations
To be authentic is to be self-confident. There is no way around it. The time has come to stop thinking stupid things about yourself. You are an absolutely unique combination of skills, experiences, character, and way of thinking that has never been here on earth. The world needs you and whatever you can bring to the table. Stop diminishing yourself.
If you still struggle with self-confidence, try affirmations. Listen to affirmations for raising your self-awareness and self-worth for as long as you need to start believing in yourself. For inspiration- there are a lot of us who do not do that unnecessary low self-esteem thing anymore. Join the club!
Happy being authentic! I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Let’s meet in the comment section!
